First of all,
It’s perfectly okay to not be okay.
It’s okay to not want to get out of bed.
It’s not okay to believe you can’t.
I felt like that this morning.
The last time I cried this morning.
There was no reason.
There’s rational not-okay
and there’s mentality not-okay.
It hits hard,
like that first strike of thunder
destroying the afternoon rainbow.
It targets when you least expect,
smack bang in the middle of a pool game,
in the middle of a shift.
It’s the demon reclaiming that right spot on my shoulder.
The one the good voices reigned.
It’s okay to eat bad foods.
It’s not okay if you haven’t eaten anything sufficient in days.
And I know you want that bag of potatoes…
You really do…
But why not try them not fried, not baked, not…
Health both inside and out.
Those sunshine moments,
I’m drowning in memories
I never considered I’d have,
they’re worth this so much.
I watched myself on CCTV last weekend…
I didn’t like what I saw.
She wasn’t me.
It’s okay to not like yourself.
It’s not okay to let that consume who you are.
How can you expect someone to see you if you don’t see yourself?
I think I know who I am.
I don’t know.
It’s late at night and I’ve been
fighting with what to say for a while.
I am happy.
That’s not a statement trying to convince myself.
I know I am,
it’s in this battle
where bad days do come,
but guess what,
they do go.
It’s okay to have setbacks of a sort.
It is not okay to let them consume you.
I’m really trying.
Give me that
until I tame them.
This is me signing off for now.
Go find another storm.