Numb.

Not quite sure how to comprehend

anything coherent.

I’ve been told I’m strong

but inside I’m crumbling.

Let me tell you a secret…

I find comfort in my own skin.

Hugging myself, hands on

waist,

hips,

under my shirt.

Smooth,

safe

not yet destroyed.

I’m not destroyed

just a little

unstable.

Today was the first day

in a long process.

My mental health is

this devil on my shoulder

becoming a person.

Becoming a human.

Becoming the voice I want to be quiet.

I’m lonely.

More so now than ever.

Mum says to

bake

do gardening

make dinner

these are all things she wants me to do.

Not what I need to do.

Anxiety.

That’s what he said.

The word looks so much less…

scary

just written there

for all to see.

Work on myself they say

on the inside.

How do you even –

Where do you even start with that?

I’ve been everyone’s second guess

or choice

or thought

for so long…

I think of myself like that now as well.

So, next time

you think about screwing with

my emotions

or feelings

or thoughts

please don’t.

Maybe that will save both of us.

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