Tight.

I think I’m hormonal…

My chest has started aching.

Different to before

but balloons don’t always pop

or deflate

instead they just ache

and I wish you were still here

like this morning,

having cold eggs

and alright bagels for breakfast.

Then, a smile that creased cheeks

as arms piled around me from behind.

It felt like a while since you’d done that.

I should wash up more…

I need to be doing some things for university

but I prefer drawing funky hair

and wearing T-shirts you’ve left here

because it was on the radiator

and it’s warm.

Hope that’s okay.

Hold me tight,

poetry boy,

see you soon.

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Firsts.

How drunk were you?

Last night I sent you pictures.

The first time I did that I got a ‘wow’.

Recently, I’ve wanted you closer a lot more…

The first time we did that, it hurt. A lot.

I wanted to talk to you from swiping right,

the first time you messaged me was on a bus.

I liked how your name looked in my phone,

the first time you were just five letters,

now I’d write you the whole alphabet if I could.

The first poem was one you wrote.

I know you think it was dreams

but the first thing I wrote was more real.

Talking to you made me want to meet you.

The first time that happened you made me want more time with you.

Being with you on a bench,

the first time you touched my knee.

In Richmond, I wanted you to hold my hand,

the first time you did, it was sorta nice.

Kissing you was almost too crazy for butterflies,

the first time we did, they went everywhere.

 

You are and always will be my first for many things.

Do you still want me to be yours?

I’ve been scheduled…

The circumstance on how much I love you?

It’s not just this past week

Feeling closer than ever

And calling me beautiful.

It’s every moment beforehand as well.

It’s when you called me at work just to hear my voice

On a bad Saturday.

Or every time you come in

Just to say hi,

You light even the dead batteries in me.

It’s your hand every time on my knee

You might not mean it

But this is me willingly saying

You own me.

Heart, skin and all.

It’s waking up naked on that first night

And feeling like I wanted to wake up like this

Every day.

It’s now wanting you

In all ways

Every day.

Are you okay with that?

We should be awake by now

And you should be reading this.

I’ve known you over half a year now…

All the time that’s left?

I want that too.

I’ll be greedy and fat on us

But hot and curvy in underwear

If that’s how you’ll have me…

It’s waking up during the bedtime hours lately

With your arms around me

And never wanting you to be gone.

It’s strong words come true.

I’m not quite ready to get daisy dukes

But I’ll make you all the tea you want.

Screw 27, I’m betting all my words and future

On being this in love with you

For as long as we can.

You wanted me too.

Your face

below mine

looks angry.

It’s kinda sexy.

Okay, it’s really sexy

then you bite on your lower lip

and with hands

on my bare hips

push me

harder against you.

Push you

further inside me.

Push us

to all kinds of intimate.

You pulled on my hair

scratched my back

rubbed hard on soft.

You between my chest.

You in my mouth.

You. Just you.

I wish we could

always be high

on nights with

pokemon cards

and not wanting to wait to take coats off.

With my light not even on.

Your hands warm and

everywhere.

That’s the most wanted

I’ve felt in ever.

Lips on my legs and

undressing.

And skin on skin.

Safe and not safe,

this is danger

in the sexiest form.

I wanted to do you in the alley.

I’m wearing his shirt.

There’s nothing but me underneath it.

Skin so alive.

He’s below me.

He’s inside me.

He’s god damn everything.

Fuck

From lips that melt me

In all ways.

I like what’s going on beneath the shirt

Beneath these sheets

Beneath alcohol.

Bite me

Anywhere you want.

I wanna taste you

In every way.

Maybe I do light up

But I’d like no thunder

Unless it’s hard and loud

And so awake.

I’ll still be dancing through storms

With the boy who called me home

And made me feel sexy and cute and wanted.

Harder

Push me.

Tell me about how bad your day was.

Sympathy can be given in all kinds of ways.

Leave teeth prints on necks that are red and blue and purple

And pressing into everything I am

For days after.

Your imprint

And hands slipping under tops.

Slide up,

Squeeze,

Use your teeth.

I wanna try everything with you.

Can you blame me for being distracted?

My heart

And the skin above it

Wants the ‘ever’

Mentioned at early hours this morning.

Wants to do you.

Wants to be with you.

Wants…this.

You gave me the sky for my birthday. Here’s the next day.

On the second day we kissed

The sky split open.

I’d spent the day smiling,

Drunk on the night before

With that word on the ground

And the guy with his trousers down.

I didn’t expect us to meet

But on that bench by the river

I knew this was for real.

It poured on us,

My dress wet,

Your hair,

Long at the time,

Dripping.

I bought you a drink.

I wonder how much you remember.

I remember warm kisses

And you

And us

And that day

When the sky guzzled

It’s content upon us

Then those comfy seats

With your hand on my knee.

It rained.

Last night

you tasted of churros.

We agreed on cinnamon.

Funny that,

decisions,

worries,

forgotten,

just for a while.

That’s your superpower.

I’m better not just cause I wanna be.

I’m better because you helped.

I’m better now.

So much.

And when we sat

with that looming German

it wasn’t just rain in the air,

it was the taste of

this.

Harsh words and teary eyes

that was me before.

Sometimes it happens again,

we need to work

still

but I’m not passing those fleeting moments

for a chance of more than fleeting

with us.

So, let’s kiss on escalators.

and keep drawers

and hang onto this.

Yeah?