Tonight//Rambles.

smile

I don’t want to write about you tonight.

I want to write about

how there’s a smile stretching out

in my palms

in my heart

in my lips.

I want to write about

how good times are memories in new places

with people who put that dusty laugh

back into me.

How good I feel right now

at almost 1am

when I still have a few hundred words to go

but then I’m all done.

I want to write about

how surreal my life has become

since you decided to leave.

Right now,

I’m in the kitchen

wearing a dress you’ve never seen.

It’s a little low-cut

which you know I hated

but it’s comfortable.

And lately I’m all about comfortable.

My comfortable.

My hair is loose and wavy and I like it.

I want to write about

how warm the sunshine feels on this skin

like particles of me want to come and shine again.

My safety net – it’s not you anymore.

I’m my own damn safety net.

I tuck myself in at night with

no sleep well texts

and wake up

with just the same silence.

I’m okay with that.

Rather, I enjoy not

having to talk to you.

Most days.

I want to write about

how good pizza tastes

when people actually share it with me.

I don’t even like it all that much

just relish in the fact,

I can have some.

I want to write about

how I thought I needed you.

I didn’t.

I don’t.

I just need me

to be me.

The girl with the weird name.

I hope to be strong

and live up to the namesake I was given.

Come at me aliens,

I’ll fight.

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